After
by carcinophobicgeneticist
Summary: After Gojyo and Hakkai's Burial chapter, Hakkai realizes how close Gojyo was to dying that night, and with it, just how much he cares about this man. 58 or GojyoxHakkai seinen-ai is there if you look.


_There's no way. No._

A warm wetness on his chest. Then, the realization that a face was pressed up against it. He heavily drew his eyes open.

A skinny hand clung to his undershirt, trembling fingers anxiously digging into the fabric. A familiar brunette head was buried in the shirt. Hakkai gave a labored sob.

Gojyo was still mostly asleep. "The...hell's up, man...?" he muttered, barely intelligible.

Hakkai froze, then slowly pulled his head back, his tears still heavy on Gojyo's shirt.

"I was...I was going to leave."

"Wuh?"

Hakkai sheepishly withdrew to his side of the bed, small as it was, those lovely eyes welling up with tears, that hand still clutching Gojyo's shirt. "I was all set to leave this house and never come back, but I couldn't...Oh, Gojyo, I was so close."

Gojyo covered his mouth and yawned a huge yawn. Something told him he'd need to be more awake for this.

"Well, you didn't, right?"

"You need to understand, Gojyo; if I had left then, you would be dead."

The memories of earlier that night floated back to the surface of Gojyo's mind. Oh, crap, that. Those punks Banri'd been running with. Just sitting there, stupid, carelessly considering that he'd just made his last wager and had beyond a doubt been played for a sucker. Grimly marvelling that it didn't bother him in the least. Yeah. Why not die there? What'd he have to lose?

Apparently, Hakkai thought differently.

"Hey. Do I look dead to you?"

"No, Gojyo." Without even thinking to, Hakkai looked up and down at all he could see of his bedmate. There he was, hair carelessly spread across the pillow, eyes fluttering a little with sleep, breathing slow and regular, a sculpted arm reaching a big, strong hand over to adjust the covers. Definitely living. Definitely Gojyo. "But if I hadn't turned back then, if I'd arrived just a few seconds late...you'd be gone."

"Shit, Hakkai." Gojyo half-smiled at him, taking in his tear-streaked countenance. It was a rare occasion that Hakkai's heart would surface like this, but it was disarming for the kappa to realize that he was the cause for such upset. It'd be pointless to just tell Hakkai not to worry, that it wasn't worth it to get worked up over something that hadn't happened to someone who didn't matter.

Breaking eye contact, Gojyo sat up, stretching and yawning again. Without another word, he crawled to the foot of the bed and over Hakkai's ankles, bare feet hitting the floor.

Hakkai squinted as Gojyo flicked on the light, now sitting up and clinging to the sheets. "No, Gojyo, not when you're hurt."

"Shut up and stay where you are." The kitchen lit up as well, and Hakkai closed his eyes, hanging on the sounds of Gojyo's movements. It'd hit him when Gojyo rose that he'd been making things awkward, and above all he just wished they could fall back asleep and forget what he'd done and said.

"Oi, that's not right. You want me to drink this all myself?"

Hakkai's eyes flew open. Dear, he'd fallen half-asleep where he sat. He focused his eyes on the bowl of rice wine held before him.

"Oh my, sake in bed?" Nevertheless, Hakkai took the bowl, crossing his legs as Gojyo sat himself down at the foot of the bed with his own share of sake.

"Yeah. It's 'emotional sake', to keep a man a man when he starts getting moody like a woman does. 'Course, by that I mean me." Hakkai laughed at this while Gojyo took a sip. "That's funny how?"

"I don't see anything funny." Gojyo's offhanded humor did Hakkai a world of good. He was actually trying to make Hakkai feel better, even if there was no way he'd admit it. It was something Hakkai had come to love about Gojyo: the way he honestly cared for others even while trying to be the tough guy.

_There's absolutely no way I could've left this man alone._

A smile played across Hakkai's lips as he drank up the last few drops of sake, the very thought bringing warmth. Well, no...it was most likely the sake in him.

"Dear me." Hakkai handed his bowl back to the kappa. "I'm such a cheap drunk! Thank you, Gojyo." Reclining once more, he stretched through his trunk, arching his tummy up as he pulled the covers back over him.

Gojyo leaned over him, slightly put out by the sudden withdrawal. "Wah? Falling asleep on me now? You never get drunk."

"I get quite drunk." Hakkai gazed up at him, a tender look on his face before his eyes fluttered shut. "I'm just...good at hiding it."

"That means you're not a cheap drunk at all." The hanyou tossed back the rest of his sake. "Anything else you need? I can get you a damp washcloth if--"

But Hakkai had dozed off already, appearing almost to be smiling. Almost.

Staring down at him, Gojyo hovered for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Then:

"Psh. You never made any sense to begin with." Without looking back at Hakkai, the kappa stood once more and took the bowls to the kitchen, where his roommate would no doubt wash them on the morrow.


End file.
